In our series on Domestic Violence, we want to show that the programming for abuse usually begins in childhood by a parent or both parents.
For some victims of domestic violence this is not something that just happened or was allowed to happen. The abuse began early on in childhood and the child was programmed to accept the abuse. Statically speaking the abuse was usually conducted by the mother of the child.
This could have occurred for many reasons from the parent’s feelings of a failed life to them having drug and alcohol dependency. This sort of abuse also creates a co-dependency between the victim (the child) and the abuser as with any long term abuse relationship.
Saddly, this sort or parental abuse for many victims continues into their adult life. The victim begins to believe that the abuse/trauma they underwent by the parent is what life is like and simply accepts it as a normal part of life.
Many of these victims enter abusive marriages and become addicted to alcohol and drugs as ways of coping with their trauma. Some who have even underwent sexual trauma begin to feel that sexual abuse is normal and begin to feel a need for it. In these cases usually the parent allowed some sort of sexual abuse to occur or even began the abuse of the victim (the child). Many times as the victim grows older the abuser begins to market their victim to others for their personal gain, by advertising their child’s physical attributes.
The child’s brain become wired differently than most, trauma is hardwired into their understanding of life. Certain victims begin to believe that if they are not abused then no one really cares for them. They have come to understand abuse as caring. In the off chance they find a loving relationship they instantly begin to fear it and unconsciously begin to sabotage this loving relationship. This is especially true if it threatens the victims relationship with the abusive parent.
In cases of sexual trauma at an early age by the hands of a parent, this can be one of the most difficult cases to deal with. These cases range from a parent allowing the child to be sexually abused or presenting the child for sexual abuse for their own profit or gain.
These acts range from giving their child to someone for sexual acts, to advertising their child’s physical appearance to entice an interest (telling someone their daughter has a “nice ass” to someone older.
Many times these victims when asked identify another person as the abuser and clings to the believe that the abusive parent was the protector. This is due to a child’s need of wanting a parents love. It is suspected that millions of these cases exist without ever being reported.
In many cases the child who is now an adult has begun living in a fantasy world in order to escape the truth they do not want to face. They begin to rewrite events and instances to protect the abusive parent. This sort of abuse is one of the most difficult to analyze and treat.
The abusive parent will continue to “Market” their child or adult child for sexual purposes as long as it is beneficial to them. The moment a threat to this is noticed by the abuser (such as a loving relationship, or caring person) they begin to feed their victim doubts of this relationship and the caring person. And in many cases, sadly, they are successful in separating their victim from that caring person.
The Parent will begin telling others stories to protect themselves from any questionable suspicion. These stories will range from drug addiction, alcoholism, and even that their victim is abusive to them. Most people will begin to believe these stories due to the aiding of the victims pre-programed behavioral responses to triggers, which the abuser sets up.
This makes the victim seem unsteady to everyone else, while the abuser continues to prey on their own child.
Childhood trauma such as this stays with the victim their entire life. Causing a cycle for their own children, if they later have them. But in rare cases when the victim becomes a parent it can trigger a natural response of protection that can break the cycle.